People keep saying that we are experiencing a unique time in our history. Actually, it's not all that unique. People have suffered hard times before. The difference is, now it is happening to YOU. And yes, it SUCKS! I know. It is ok to admit that. Even if you have to do it in private. Here's something else....you're not alone. Lots, if not most people are feeling the squeeze.
So how do you remain positive in such discomfort? Look for what you CAN do. For me, the hardest days to face are the days when I have to deal with the money stuff. I have pushed those days to the end of the month and "as needed". When I say "as needed", I mean when they call demanding payment or else. I'm especially good to me on those days. I give myself the least amount of tasks and I allow myself to seek shelter in brain dead tv and junk food. Not too much but just a little somn' somn' to make me say, MMMMMMMMMMM! Followed by a grease induced smile!
I heard a story about a lady who never really shared her real financial situation with her friends and family. We'll call her P. She was talking to one of her friends, we'll call her W, about how W always looked so disgusted with things and that eventhough her situation is tough, she'd better start looking at the things that she has. W told P that she was grateful for the things she has. P said, you'd never know it to look at your face. Don't just be gratful but be outwardly gratful for your life and what you have. Don't I look happy? W replied yes. P shared with her friend that eventhough she had to sell some of her furniture to make her rent that month, she was still able to muster a smile.
What I'm saying is.....'Yal better get Happy! We all have challenges but if we manage the stuff we can manage and work to change the situation, and of course, pray to whatever or whomever we believe in, then that's it! That's all we can do. Some things take time. We didn't find ourselves in this situation overnight so we will NOT get out of it overnight. Unless of course the publisher's clearinghouse folks know where you live. Be patient, keep moving, and when you can't move, just be still.
Big Hug!
Friday, April 2, 2010
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Things Don't Have to be Wrong to be Right.
I had an epiphany the other day. I realized that things do not have to be wrong to be right. What I mean by that is simply that. Some people are so used to having drama in their lives that that becomes their reality so when there is nothing wrong, they are uneasy, unsure, and THINK something is wrong when in fact, everything is right.
When we work to make our lives drama free, we get into a space of discomfort. We are unsteady because as things become peaceful, they also become unfamiliar and we all can agree that unfamiliar is uneasy. However, what if we consider the possibility that our uneasiness is the symptom of a bigger, more positive root cause………PEACE.
I recognized recently that my life is completely peaceful. Like any adult life, there are things that we don’t want to deal with but they are still “normal”. I do not have a crisis that I have to handle. Once you remove a cancer, it can not grow. I will not let cancer in my life. I have surrounded my life with positive, supportive, and encouraging people and the others may be there but they will not be in the front row. I have thrown them in the back and in the balcony so I do not have to be bothered with their need for negativity. They are more than welcome to witness my progression and growth but they will not steer my course. I am finally on the right road and the wrong people have no place in my journey except as bystanders. Here’s something else to consider. What example are you setting for your children? You are their example. Equip them with a clear roadmap. They will ultimately make their own mistakes and blaze their own trail but you can give them the tools to travel safely and guide them to their destiny, whatever that is.
I challenge you to think about the people in your life and the role they play. Do they feed you? Are they keeping you from something you really want? Are they respectful of you regardless of the life you’ve led or do they hold a debt over your head that you could never pay back in their eyes because unwittingly, they are envious of your fire and new strength?
MONDAY: Make a list of those people. Divide your page in two and add these two headers – “Value Added” on one side and “Benchwarmer” on the other. Think about EVERYONE! Family, friends, colleagues, mentors, no one is exempt! Take the time and have that conversation with yourself!
Then decide. Are you going to let the cancers in your life fester and grow until they have eaten away at your soul? Or, are you going to face that cancer head on and say – I WANT TO LIVE!
TUESDAY: Instead of looking at what’s wrong, take a look at what is working in your life. Make a list of all the things that are right in your life, even if the only thing that is working is that you are able to brush your teeth everyday.
WEDNESDAY: Now that you can see all the things that are right in your life, look at the things that can be better. How would you like to change those things? Again, don’t get caught up in your head about your money or time or circumstances in regards to changing them, just do you want to change it, YES or NO! Make a list of the things you’d like to change.
THURSDAY: Now only tackle ONE thing on your wrong list. Now is the time to be critical but in a good way. Remember, look at each issue and determine what is needed to make it happen. Do not start with “I don’t have….” Forget current, money, time, or circumstances, just focus on what you need to make it happen. If it is money, be specific, how much exactly. You may have to do a little homework. If time is required, how much time will it take to complete? Start slow, if this is all you can handle, that is fine. If you are feeling inspired and encouraged, continue down your list of issues and map out each one.
FRIDAY: So what have you accomplished this week? This week you have realized that all the work you’ve done so far is working. You are noticing that you are less stressed and your life has less drama and that is RIGHT! You have also mapped out an action plan to attack the things that can be better. Keep all of your lists together in your journal and revisit them. Put things on your calendar to work toward completion. Congratulations – You have earned your TREAT DAY! Enjoy the work you are doing.
Remember - Everyday we have a new chance to live a better, stronger, more fulfilling life. Everyday is not promised. Don’t miss your chance.
Quote for the Week - Sometimes you've got to let everything go—purge yourself . . . If you are unhappy with anything . . . whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you'll find that when you're free, your true creativity, your true self comes out. Tina Turner (1939-)
I, Tina (1986)
Sunday, June 7, 2009
How To Be Your Own Best Friend
You can’t give away what you do not possess yourself. Knowing yourself is crucial to being able to nurture those around you. One of the hardest things to do is to be alone. But, when we are alone we do not have to be lonely. Self development, self love, pampering, even laughing with yourself should be the norm, not the exception. When you take time to know yourself you feel more comfortable in your own skin. Self confidence increases, morale and the drive and desire to do more, moves you closer to your goals.
Wouldn’t you like to know yourself better. This week’s conversation is learning to be your own best friend. If you have a strong support system, that is fantastic. Few people do. You have to self motivate. However, how do you self motivate if you yourself don’t feel like you have a purpose, there’s no joy, and you just feel uninspired?
SPOIL YOURSELF!
Treat yourself as if you were five years old. Refer to your treat list from the first conversation. Additionally, work from the list below:
Talk out loud to yourself!
Take both the objective outsider position and your own subjective positions and talk it out
Tell yourself what a good job you’re doing
Offer yourself a reward for coping well or being strong or negotiating something
Give yourself a “time out” when stressed or ANGRY or PRESSURED or tired
Speak out loud to yourself in a nurturing, caring way:
Ask yourself how you’re doing – physically and emotionally….answer and respond with understanding
Ask yourself “Do you need anything?”
Ask yourself “What do you really want?”
Ask yourself “What can I do for you?”
Ask yourself “How can I help?”
Console yourself with a comfort treat for your suffering
Give yourself a pat on the back and encouragement out loud
Give yourself a hug when lonely or hurt
Make deals with yourself for rising to a challenge or pushing through an issue
Give yourself permission to feel your feelings
Talk to yourself about your feelings from the perspective of a caring friend as well as from the feeling space
Give yourself permission to walk out, hang up, end it, continue, move forward, stay in bed…….
Tell yourself out loud how far you’ve come
Tell yourself how proud you are of yourself for coping, tolerating, understanding, giving, being strong, being honest……..
Give yourself a little kiss, on the arm, the knee, the hand, the shoulder….wherever you can reach…..because you deserve it!
This week we aren’t going to break it down by day. This week, this is a daily practice. When you are driving alone, talk to yourself out loud. Walk yourself through your plans, your ideas, your frustrations, and your to-dos.
Go out on a date with yourself. Take yourself to dinner, a movie, a play, whatever you’d like to do, it’s on you. And here’s the best part, you are the best date ever because you know what you want, you know when to call it a night, and you are fabulous company!
Let’s not forget our previous conversations. This week, speaking “as if” you are living it now is so important. Your “I Am” statements are especially empowering.
Always remember and don’t ever forget……………..
You are an AMAZING person! You deserve LOVE! And no matter what is going on in your world, You have the right to be HAPPY!
QUOTE OF THE WEEK!
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. Jalal ad-Din Rumi
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Change
Change is the crux of our history and of our lives. Change is all around us in the change from day to night and warm to cold. The change we see in the seasons and the beauty that comes with the birth of spring after the calm hibernation of winter. All of these changes are gradual. They require time, care, and the natural process that is change!
Most of us are good at the beginning or the start and we are very excited about the end or the finish but the process is what trips us up.
Think about the constant changes in your life. As we get older our bodies go through so many changes both internal and external. Our eyes get weak, our hair turns gray or falls out, our middle expands, and we need more sleep. If we’re lucky we watch our children grow into adults and have children of their own and the emotions that we feel during these many changes are varied and deep. We may feel insecure about our looks, we feel sad, lonely, and possibly depressed because of the empty nest that is now our home.
So how do these changes affect us? The positive effects are that we grow more intelligent and wise. We mature and find new ways to solve old problems. We advance in our careers or branch off on our own to create our own fortune by acquiring property and savings and self development. We watch our children grown and we find our true self by becoming comfortable in our own skin. Some negative effects usually show up in the forms of habits; chain smoking, binge shopping, over-eating, depression, anxiety, and anger.
Today we are experiencing changes that we haven’t seen for decades. We are a nation at war, our planet is dying and as a result our resources are over stretched and the seasons that were marginally predictable are now uneven with tornados, snow storms, and flooding in places that historically don’t see such bedlam. Not to mention we are in the midst of making political history. Functioning in that much change can be challenging and some uncertainty is expected.
But what can we do about it. How can we still flourish when we are tired all the time? We must make the choice to do the very thing that is causing us stress……CHANGE! We have to change the way we react to stress and change. Easier said than done – YEP! You’re right but with consistent behavior, you will be better equipped to deal with life’s changes as they come at you.
First you have to identify the changes in your life. When I did this exercise, I discovered I had had a major life changing event in my life every year for the past 17 years. Wow right?
MONDAY – Think about the past two years. If you’d like to go further back, feel free, you may be surprised at what you discover. Write down every major life change you’ve endured. From family to work, new boss, gained or lost weight, had children, lost children to school or otherwise, bought a house, lost a house, or perhaps you got married or divorced. Write down everything you can think of so you can really wrap your head around everything that has happened in your life recently.
TUESDAY - Now that you’ve seen how much change you’ve had over the last couple years you can move past it. If you have had any kind of loss, use today to mourn. A loss is not just for a person. If children went off to school, you lost your previous figure (even if it is a good thing), changed jobs or careers. Use today to accept that it has changed. Go to a place that is peaceful or where you can have time to yourself. Now say to yourself: Today, I acknowledge that things are different and it is good. It means I am living. Life will continue to grow from here and I am growing with it. Everyday I am better than I was the day before and I no longer fear change. Life is change and I am living my truest life.
WEDNESDAY and THURSDAY – In order to manage change you must anticipate change. Now you can’t plan for everything since life tends to be pretty random but you can have a plan. Over the past weeks, we’ve done some goal setting and that is all you have to do today.
1. List the things that are going on and how they will change over the next 30-60 days.
2. Now set a goal for them. Visualize and plan your vision of the outcome of your upcoming changes. Do you need more money, is money ok? Do you want to lose weight, are you moving, is your company relocating, or maybe your youngest is graduating; see these events the way you want them to turn out. Close your eyes and use your change meditation above to talk through your visualization.
FRIDAY – You have now accepted that change is the natural flow of life. As you experience the changes in your life, face them with the confidence that you are acting from your truest self. You can’t run from change but you can grow from it. Today is treat day. Celebrate the changes in your life.
Quote of the Week: All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. Anatole France
Most of us are good at the beginning or the start and we are very excited about the end or the finish but the process is what trips us up.
Think about the constant changes in your life. As we get older our bodies go through so many changes both internal and external. Our eyes get weak, our hair turns gray or falls out, our middle expands, and we need more sleep. If we’re lucky we watch our children grow into adults and have children of their own and the emotions that we feel during these many changes are varied and deep. We may feel insecure about our looks, we feel sad, lonely, and possibly depressed because of the empty nest that is now our home.
So how do these changes affect us? The positive effects are that we grow more intelligent and wise. We mature and find new ways to solve old problems. We advance in our careers or branch off on our own to create our own fortune by acquiring property and savings and self development. We watch our children grown and we find our true self by becoming comfortable in our own skin. Some negative effects usually show up in the forms of habits; chain smoking, binge shopping, over-eating, depression, anxiety, and anger.
Today we are experiencing changes that we haven’t seen for decades. We are a nation at war, our planet is dying and as a result our resources are over stretched and the seasons that were marginally predictable are now uneven with tornados, snow storms, and flooding in places that historically don’t see such bedlam. Not to mention we are in the midst of making political history. Functioning in that much change can be challenging and some uncertainty is expected.
But what can we do about it. How can we still flourish when we are tired all the time? We must make the choice to do the very thing that is causing us stress……CHANGE! We have to change the way we react to stress and change. Easier said than done – YEP! You’re right but with consistent behavior, you will be better equipped to deal with life’s changes as they come at you.
First you have to identify the changes in your life. When I did this exercise, I discovered I had had a major life changing event in my life every year for the past 17 years. Wow right?
MONDAY – Think about the past two years. If you’d like to go further back, feel free, you may be surprised at what you discover. Write down every major life change you’ve endured. From family to work, new boss, gained or lost weight, had children, lost children to school or otherwise, bought a house, lost a house, or perhaps you got married or divorced. Write down everything you can think of so you can really wrap your head around everything that has happened in your life recently.
TUESDAY - Now that you’ve seen how much change you’ve had over the last couple years you can move past it. If you have had any kind of loss, use today to mourn. A loss is not just for a person. If children went off to school, you lost your previous figure (even if it is a good thing), changed jobs or careers. Use today to accept that it has changed. Go to a place that is peaceful or where you can have time to yourself. Now say to yourself: Today, I acknowledge that things are different and it is good. It means I am living. Life will continue to grow from here and I am growing with it. Everyday I am better than I was the day before and I no longer fear change. Life is change and I am living my truest life.
WEDNESDAY and THURSDAY – In order to manage change you must anticipate change. Now you can’t plan for everything since life tends to be pretty random but you can have a plan. Over the past weeks, we’ve done some goal setting and that is all you have to do today.
1. List the things that are going on and how they will change over the next 30-60 days.
2. Now set a goal for them. Visualize and plan your vision of the outcome of your upcoming changes. Do you need more money, is money ok? Do you want to lose weight, are you moving, is your company relocating, or maybe your youngest is graduating; see these events the way you want them to turn out. Close your eyes and use your change meditation above to talk through your visualization.
FRIDAY – You have now accepted that change is the natural flow of life. As you experience the changes in your life, face them with the confidence that you are acting from your truest self. You can’t run from change but you can grow from it. Today is treat day. Celebrate the changes in your life.
Quote of the Week: All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. Anatole France
Monday, May 25, 2009
Visual Reality
Visualization is a significant tool that gives you the power to realize your goals by first seeing yourself in your mind. The premise of “The Secret” discusses the law of attraction and how visualization by first manifesting in the mind can then go to work to bring your deepest ambitions to you.
Now, don’t misunderstand, visualization alone will not magically make your dreams come true, it’s not voodoo. However, visualization can give you your own reality show playing in your head. You still have to do the work.
Visualization can be intangible, in the mind, and tangible via photos or a poster. Visualization through meditation takes discipline but can not only help you see yourself achieving your dreams but it is very relaxing and relieves stress. Visualization through meditation or affirmation is best done in the evening before bed because you are relaxed and your thoughts go into your subconscious and work on your behalf. Using affirmations is another way to visualize your goals. By writing out a script in the affirmative of how you want things to be, i.e., I have $50,000.00 in savings, I am running my own fill in the blank company, etc, and saying it out loud daily, you are speaking your life into being. Remember, “If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can become it.” You know – See It! Believe It! Achieve It!
Well known sleep researcher J. Allen Hobson’s theory is that when we dream, it is our mind’s way of working through the things that are happening in our lives. By planting the seed of how we want our life to look, we utilize the brain activity that is already happening and the law of attraction to summon the things and people we need to move forward to come to us.
Tangible visualization can be as small as a card with your affirmation on it that you refer to everyday or you can make a poster. I call it a “Happy Chart”. A happy chart has specific pictures of what you want to achieve. If there are people in your pictures, they should reflect you. If one of your goals is a car, it should be the specific car and color you want. Make it fun! Use magazines, pictures online, clipart, catalogues, and even scrapbooking accessories to make it more personal. The most important thing is to be specific.
Meditative Visualization – Today I am ready to live the life I deserve. I am focused and driven to be happy!
MONDAY – TUESDAY – Complete your meditative visualization script. In week one’s conversation, you discovered your immediate needs. Begin with the two sentences above and write out your goals. If you want to lose weight, then state, I am blank pounds. I own fill in the blank restaurant where I have enjoyed profits since I opened. You get the pattern. If you need a little time, that’s ok. Make a list of how you’d like to see your life. You may even want to close your eyes and try to visualize living one of your biggest goals. Don’t get caught up in the “ifs”. “If I didn’t have kids”, “If I had more money”, “If I didn’t work full time” FORGET THAT! This is on the premise that all systems are on GO! Don’t worry about those other things in your life; they will take care of themselves as you realize your dreams. First you have to have the vision that you can.
WEDNESDAY – THURSDAY – Begin building your Happy Chart. You will need a colored poster board or construction paper depending on how big you want it. Look for pictures of your goals and glue them to the paper of your choice. Once you have finished, put it up somewhere that you will see it everyday like the back of your bedroom door or closet door, frame it and make it fancy if you want but remember this is a working document so you will want to be able to cross or check things off as you achieve them. (remember to always give yourself a gimmie – one thing that you are either almost done with or just finished so you can immediately add your first check mark as motivation to keep moving)
If you just want to do the visualization, use these next two days to get in the habit of meditating. You can also record your visualized affirmation and play it while you meditate on it. This may make it easier to get in the habit. But, keep in mind, the actual visual chart adds to your focus because it puts it on paper. It’s something you can check off periodically and see your progress. You can always do that later if you wish but it is a valuable tool.
FRIDAY – You have acquired a new tool to move you closer to your goals. Remember that you are a magnificent being and can be and do everything you wish so treat yourself today and keep working toward your goals. It is well worth it! And……SO ARE YOU!
Quote of the Week - To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.” Anatole France, French writer (1844-1924)
Reference: http://thinkexist.com/quotation/if_you_can_imagine_it-you_can_achieve_it-if_you/15190.html
Now, don’t misunderstand, visualization alone will not magically make your dreams come true, it’s not voodoo. However, visualization can give you your own reality show playing in your head. You still have to do the work.
Visualization can be intangible, in the mind, and tangible via photos or a poster. Visualization through meditation takes discipline but can not only help you see yourself achieving your dreams but it is very relaxing and relieves stress. Visualization through meditation or affirmation is best done in the evening before bed because you are relaxed and your thoughts go into your subconscious and work on your behalf. Using affirmations is another way to visualize your goals. By writing out a script in the affirmative of how you want things to be, i.e., I have $50,000.00 in savings, I am running my own fill in the blank company, etc, and saying it out loud daily, you are speaking your life into being. Remember, “If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can become it.” You know – See It! Believe It! Achieve It!
Well known sleep researcher J. Allen Hobson’s theory is that when we dream, it is our mind’s way of working through the things that are happening in our lives. By planting the seed of how we want our life to look, we utilize the brain activity that is already happening and the law of attraction to summon the things and people we need to move forward to come to us.
Tangible visualization can be as small as a card with your affirmation on it that you refer to everyday or you can make a poster. I call it a “Happy Chart”. A happy chart has specific pictures of what you want to achieve. If there are people in your pictures, they should reflect you. If one of your goals is a car, it should be the specific car and color you want. Make it fun! Use magazines, pictures online, clipart, catalogues, and even scrapbooking accessories to make it more personal. The most important thing is to be specific.
Meditative Visualization – Today I am ready to live the life I deserve. I am focused and driven to be happy!
MONDAY – TUESDAY – Complete your meditative visualization script. In week one’s conversation, you discovered your immediate needs. Begin with the two sentences above and write out your goals. If you want to lose weight, then state, I am blank pounds. I own fill in the blank restaurant where I have enjoyed profits since I opened. You get the pattern. If you need a little time, that’s ok. Make a list of how you’d like to see your life. You may even want to close your eyes and try to visualize living one of your biggest goals. Don’t get caught up in the “ifs”. “If I didn’t have kids”, “If I had more money”, “If I didn’t work full time” FORGET THAT! This is on the premise that all systems are on GO! Don’t worry about those other things in your life; they will take care of themselves as you realize your dreams. First you have to have the vision that you can.
WEDNESDAY – THURSDAY – Begin building your Happy Chart. You will need a colored poster board or construction paper depending on how big you want it. Look for pictures of your goals and glue them to the paper of your choice. Once you have finished, put it up somewhere that you will see it everyday like the back of your bedroom door or closet door, frame it and make it fancy if you want but remember this is a working document so you will want to be able to cross or check things off as you achieve them. (remember to always give yourself a gimmie – one thing that you are either almost done with or just finished so you can immediately add your first check mark as motivation to keep moving)
If you just want to do the visualization, use these next two days to get in the habit of meditating. You can also record your visualized affirmation and play it while you meditate on it. This may make it easier to get in the habit. But, keep in mind, the actual visual chart adds to your focus because it puts it on paper. It’s something you can check off periodically and see your progress. You can always do that later if you wish but it is a valuable tool.
FRIDAY – You have acquired a new tool to move you closer to your goals. Remember that you are a magnificent being and can be and do everything you wish so treat yourself today and keep working toward your goals. It is well worth it! And……SO ARE YOU!
Quote of the Week - To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.” Anatole France, French writer (1844-1924)
Reference: http://thinkexist.com/quotation/if_you_can_imagine_it-you_can_achieve_it-if_you/15190.html
Sunday, April 26, 2009
K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple Silly)
Sometimes I look at life through the eyes of a six year old. All’s right with the world. There is no hunger or pain. There is no war. There is no anger or prejudice. My biggest worry is what’s for dinner. Will it be chicken……again? And, as life so often does, it forces me to look at it through the eyes of a grown-up. A working, divorced, no social life, living from paycheck to paycheck, bill paying, wondering what it all means, grown-up. And yet I find myself still worrying about dinner. And damn…….it is chicken – again!
It’s funny how the simple things never really leave us. As hard as we try they are constant, which is why we should ask ourselves, why forget the little things? Simple pleasures and/or pains are what keep us moving forward. They remind us that life really doesn’t have to be that complicated. We just have to work at making it work for us as individuals.
Think about your simple pleasures. Is it a hot candlelit bath with your favorite aroma candles and bath salts? Is it spending the day with your children and/or grandchildren no matter what age? Is it renting that movie that you’ve seen so many times you know all the dialogue? Is it parking by the water and watching the birds play games with each other? Is it cooking a meal that you’ve never tried before and savoring every bite because you made it? What is it for you?
MONDAY - Make a list of these pleasures and always be on the watch for others. If you’re a planner, plan a day to do one or more of them. If you’re a fly by the seat of your pants kind of person, then carry your list with you everywhere and when the moment invites itself, take advantage and enjoy one or more of your pleasures. Write down how you felt at the end of your day. Did you smile? I think you smiled while you were writing.
We can carry our pleasures with us even after they are long gone. Work on changing your memories.
One of my favorite books is Everything I Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten by Robert Fulghum. I think about this book whenever I need to bring my thoughts back to a more simple place; back to the thinking of that six year old. The things Robert learned are:
Share everything
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.
Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. Take any one of those items and look at it as a grown up and apply it to your family life or your work life and it still holds true. Think what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world - had cookies and milk at about 3 o'clock in the afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap. And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.
TUESDAY - THURSDAY - For the rest of the week, keep it simple. Address phone calls and be honest. If you don’t have time to talk, say that and get off the phone. Only say yes to things that you really mean yes to. Even if you are doing nothing at all, do not take on more than you want or need to do. If you can cook for the week, do it on Monday or Tuesday and just reheat each meal each day. (aluminum tins from Smart & Final is a great way to store meals for the week.) When things come up, don’t put them off until later, do it now. When you move things in your home, put it back immediately when you are done. Fill the dishwasher as you go. All the things that you say to yourself, one day I’ll get around to that – well, today is that day. Don’t take on too much but start from today. If there is something you want to do today, do it. You know the things that require a quick phone call, make the call right then. At work, as things come across your desk, address each item as soon as they are presented not “later”.
FRIDAY – Exhale. Were you honest this week? Did you say no when you meant it? Did you tackle things as they came up no matter how uncomfortable? Then you have KISSed your life and it will love you for it. Keep KISSing. Watch your behavior and pay attention to your body. It will always tell you first if you are operating from your true self. You know those times when your stomach tightens up when you say yes to something that you don’t want to do, pay attention and say, hey you know, I’d really like to but this really isn’t a good time for me.
Quote of the Week – Our life is frittered away by detail... Simplify, simplify, simplify! ... Simplicity of life and elevation of purpose. Henry David Thoreau ("Where I Lived and What I Lived For" Walden)
Have A Great Week!
Reference: "ALL I REALLYNEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN" by Robert Fulghum.
It’s funny how the simple things never really leave us. As hard as we try they are constant, which is why we should ask ourselves, why forget the little things? Simple pleasures and/or pains are what keep us moving forward. They remind us that life really doesn’t have to be that complicated. We just have to work at making it work for us as individuals.
Think about your simple pleasures. Is it a hot candlelit bath with your favorite aroma candles and bath salts? Is it spending the day with your children and/or grandchildren no matter what age? Is it renting that movie that you’ve seen so many times you know all the dialogue? Is it parking by the water and watching the birds play games with each other? Is it cooking a meal that you’ve never tried before and savoring every bite because you made it? What is it for you?
MONDAY - Make a list of these pleasures and always be on the watch for others. If you’re a planner, plan a day to do one or more of them. If you’re a fly by the seat of your pants kind of person, then carry your list with you everywhere and when the moment invites itself, take advantage and enjoy one or more of your pleasures. Write down how you felt at the end of your day. Did you smile? I think you smiled while you were writing.
We can carry our pleasures with us even after they are long gone. Work on changing your memories.
One of my favorite books is Everything I Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten by Robert Fulghum. I think about this book whenever I need to bring my thoughts back to a more simple place; back to the thinking of that six year old. The things Robert learned are:
Share everything
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.
Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. Take any one of those items and look at it as a grown up and apply it to your family life or your work life and it still holds true. Think what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world - had cookies and milk at about 3 o'clock in the afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap. And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.
TUESDAY - THURSDAY - For the rest of the week, keep it simple. Address phone calls and be honest. If you don’t have time to talk, say that and get off the phone. Only say yes to things that you really mean yes to. Even if you are doing nothing at all, do not take on more than you want or need to do. If you can cook for the week, do it on Monday or Tuesday and just reheat each meal each day. (aluminum tins from Smart & Final is a great way to store meals for the week.) When things come up, don’t put them off until later, do it now. When you move things in your home, put it back immediately when you are done. Fill the dishwasher as you go. All the things that you say to yourself, one day I’ll get around to that – well, today is that day. Don’t take on too much but start from today. If there is something you want to do today, do it. You know the things that require a quick phone call, make the call right then. At work, as things come across your desk, address each item as soon as they are presented not “later”.
FRIDAY – Exhale. Were you honest this week? Did you say no when you meant it? Did you tackle things as they came up no matter how uncomfortable? Then you have KISSed your life and it will love you for it. Keep KISSing. Watch your behavior and pay attention to your body. It will always tell you first if you are operating from your true self. You know those times when your stomach tightens up when you say yes to something that you don’t want to do, pay attention and say, hey you know, I’d really like to but this really isn’t a good time for me.
Quote of the Week – Our life is frittered away by detail... Simplify, simplify, simplify! ... Simplicity of life and elevation of purpose. Henry David Thoreau ("Where I Lived and What I Lived For" Walden)
Have A Great Week!
Reference: "ALL I REALLYNEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN" by Robert Fulghum.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
What Are You Saying To Yourself ?
Positive self talk is a very powerful tool. What we say to ourselves, we believe whether we realize it or not. Low self esteem can be crippling but the self talk we tell ourselves every day can help move us past the negative and destructive place of low self esteem to a confident and focused self image.
Some examples of common negative messages that people repeat over and over to themselves include: I'm so fat, I'm so stupid, I can't do that, I never do anything right, No one would ever like me, I am a klutz. Most people believe these messages, no matter how untrue or unreal they are. They become automatic responses both internally and vocally; for instance if you get a wrong answer you think. I am so stupid. Your comments are usually followed by the shoulda, woulda, coulda's. The messages tend to reflect the worst in everything, especially you, and they are hard to turn off or unlearn. There was a line in Pretty Woman when Julia Robert's character says, it's so much easier to believe the bad stuff. This is very true unfortunately. These messages began as children and like the repetition of tasks can create a habit so can the repetition of negative words. In psychology this is called classical conditioning, like Pavlov's dog.
Also consider what we surround ourselves with. Television and radio programs can subliminally interject negative thoughts, anger, and additional stress. Are most of your favorite television programs drama or reality shows? How about the court shows or toxic talk shows? What about the confrontational radio? While these shows can be entertaining, if they are not broken up with something light and soft, they can be feeding you negative images that manifest themselves in unstable sleep patterns, tenseness in your neck and joints, and sarcastic comments and you aren't even aware of it.
For one week, do not watch the high drama shows or listen to the confrontational radio. JUST ONE WEEK. Notice the difference in your body and your sleep. Make note of it in your journal.
Now let's take a closer look at your negative images and the negative things you frequently tell yourself. For every comment that pops in your head or you hear yourself say, ask yourself the following questions…………….
Is this really true?
Would it be ok if someone else said this to me?
Does this kind of talk honor me?
Some examples of positive self talk that you can practice are speaking in the present tense, e.g., I am healthy, I am well, I am happy, and I have a good job. Also speaking as if the condition already exists, i.e., I do, I am, or I have.
So let's start changing our habit - one nice word at a time.
MONDAY - WEDNESDAY - Start with a journal of your self talk. You can't address an issue until you identify it. Over the next few days, let's become aware of our behavior. Whenever you say or even think something negative or critical of yourself or someone else, write it in your journal. Make two columns on a page in your journal. In one column write your negative thought and then your positive thought in the other column.
THURSDAY - Now you should have a significant list of positive rebuttals to all of your negative self talk. Today, for each positive rebuttal, put some real meaning behind it. List 3 to 5 things that validate the positive rebuttal. for example, if you say, I do things well then list some things that you do well, like cook lasagna, play monopoly, decorate, etc., be specific. The objective to this exercise is to get you really seeing the great things about yourself and steering the focus off of the negative.
FRIDAY - Awareness brings clarity. CONGRATULATIONS! You are now aware of your behavior and well on your way to changing it. But it takes practice. Continue to practice your positive self talk everyday. You may even want to write a positive self affirmation. Over time, you will see that as you put this behavior into practice, the way you speak to others will also be more positive and empowering instead of negative and critical.
So......for all your hard work, today is TREAT DAY! Be good to you today. You've done excellent work. Enjoy the rest of your day and have a great weekend.
Quote of the Week - Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right. Henry Ford
Have A Great Week!
Some examples of common negative messages that people repeat over and over to themselves include: I'm so fat, I'm so stupid, I can't do that, I never do anything right, No one would ever like me, I am a klutz. Most people believe these messages, no matter how untrue or unreal they are. They become automatic responses both internally and vocally; for instance if you get a wrong answer you think. I am so stupid. Your comments are usually followed by the shoulda, woulda, coulda's. The messages tend to reflect the worst in everything, especially you, and they are hard to turn off or unlearn. There was a line in Pretty Woman when Julia Robert's character says, it's so much easier to believe the bad stuff. This is very true unfortunately. These messages began as children and like the repetition of tasks can create a habit so can the repetition of negative words. In psychology this is called classical conditioning, like Pavlov's dog.
Also consider what we surround ourselves with. Television and radio programs can subliminally interject negative thoughts, anger, and additional stress. Are most of your favorite television programs drama or reality shows? How about the court shows or toxic talk shows? What about the confrontational radio? While these shows can be entertaining, if they are not broken up with something light and soft, they can be feeding you negative images that manifest themselves in unstable sleep patterns, tenseness in your neck and joints, and sarcastic comments and you aren't even aware of it.
For one week, do not watch the high drama shows or listen to the confrontational radio. JUST ONE WEEK. Notice the difference in your body and your sleep. Make note of it in your journal.
Now let's take a closer look at your negative images and the negative things you frequently tell yourself. For every comment that pops in your head or you hear yourself say, ask yourself the following questions…………….
Is this really true?
Would it be ok if someone else said this to me?
Does this kind of talk honor me?
Some examples of positive self talk that you can practice are speaking in the present tense, e.g., I am healthy, I am well, I am happy, and I have a good job. Also speaking as if the condition already exists, i.e., I do, I am, or I have.
So let's start changing our habit - one nice word at a time.
MONDAY - WEDNESDAY - Start with a journal of your self talk. You can't address an issue until you identify it. Over the next few days, let's become aware of our behavior. Whenever you say or even think something negative or critical of yourself or someone else, write it in your journal. Make two columns on a page in your journal. In one column write your negative thought and then your positive thought in the other column.
THURSDAY - Now you should have a significant list of positive rebuttals to all of your negative self talk. Today, for each positive rebuttal, put some real meaning behind it. List 3 to 5 things that validate the positive rebuttal. for example, if you say, I do things well then list some things that you do well, like cook lasagna, play monopoly, decorate, etc., be specific. The objective to this exercise is to get you really seeing the great things about yourself and steering the focus off of the negative.
FRIDAY - Awareness brings clarity. CONGRATULATIONS! You are now aware of your behavior and well on your way to changing it. But it takes practice. Continue to practice your positive self talk everyday. You may even want to write a positive self affirmation. Over time, you will see that as you put this behavior into practice, the way you speak to others will also be more positive and empowering instead of negative and critical.
So......for all your hard work, today is TREAT DAY! Be good to you today. You've done excellent work. Enjoy the rest of your day and have a great weekend.
Quote of the Week - Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right. Henry Ford
Have A Great Week!
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