Sometimes I look at life through the eyes of a six year old. All’s right with the world. There is no hunger or pain. There is no war. There is no anger or prejudice. My biggest worry is what’s for dinner. Will it be chicken……again? And, as life so often does, it forces me to look at it through the eyes of a grown-up. A working, divorced, no social life, living from paycheck to paycheck, bill paying, wondering what it all means, grown-up. And yet I find myself still worrying about dinner. And damn…….it is chicken – again!
It’s funny how the simple things never really leave us. As hard as we try they are constant, which is why we should ask ourselves, why forget the little things? Simple pleasures and/or pains are what keep us moving forward. They remind us that life really doesn’t have to be that complicated. We just have to work at making it work for us as individuals.
Think about your simple pleasures. Is it a hot candlelit bath with your favorite aroma candles and bath salts? Is it spending the day with your children and/or grandchildren no matter what age? Is it renting that movie that you’ve seen so many times you know all the dialogue? Is it parking by the water and watching the birds play games with each other? Is it cooking a meal that you’ve never tried before and savoring every bite because you made it? What is it for you?
MONDAY - Make a list of these pleasures and always be on the watch for others. If you’re a planner, plan a day to do one or more of them. If you’re a fly by the seat of your pants kind of person, then carry your list with you everywhere and when the moment invites itself, take advantage and enjoy one or more of your pleasures. Write down how you felt at the end of your day. Did you smile? I think you smiled while you were writing.
We can carry our pleasures with us even after they are long gone. Work on changing your memories.
One of my favorite books is Everything I Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten by Robert Fulghum. I think about this book whenever I need to bring my thoughts back to a more simple place; back to the thinking of that six year old. The things Robert learned are:
Share everything
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.
Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. Take any one of those items and look at it as a grown up and apply it to your family life or your work life and it still holds true. Think what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world - had cookies and milk at about 3 o'clock in the afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap. And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.
TUESDAY - THURSDAY - For the rest of the week, keep it simple. Address phone calls and be honest. If you don’t have time to talk, say that and get off the phone. Only say yes to things that you really mean yes to. Even if you are doing nothing at all, do not take on more than you want or need to do. If you can cook for the week, do it on Monday or Tuesday and just reheat each meal each day. (aluminum tins from Smart & Final is a great way to store meals for the week.) When things come up, don’t put them off until later, do it now. When you move things in your home, put it back immediately when you are done. Fill the dishwasher as you go. All the things that you say to yourself, one day I’ll get around to that – well, today is that day. Don’t take on too much but start from today. If there is something you want to do today, do it. You know the things that require a quick phone call, make the call right then. At work, as things come across your desk, address each item as soon as they are presented not “later”.
FRIDAY – Exhale. Were you honest this week? Did you say no when you meant it? Did you tackle things as they came up no matter how uncomfortable? Then you have KISSed your life and it will love you for it. Keep KISSing. Watch your behavior and pay attention to your body. It will always tell you first if you are operating from your true self. You know those times when your stomach tightens up when you say yes to something that you don’t want to do, pay attention and say, hey you know, I’d really like to but this really isn’t a good time for me.
Quote of the Week – Our life is frittered away by detail... Simplify, simplify, simplify! ... Simplicity of life and elevation of purpose. Henry David Thoreau ("Where I Lived and What I Lived For" Walden)
Have A Great Week!
Reference: "ALL I REALLYNEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN" by Robert Fulghum.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
What Are You Saying To Yourself ?
Positive self talk is a very powerful tool. What we say to ourselves, we believe whether we realize it or not. Low self esteem can be crippling but the self talk we tell ourselves every day can help move us past the negative and destructive place of low self esteem to a confident and focused self image.
Some examples of common negative messages that people repeat over and over to themselves include: I'm so fat, I'm so stupid, I can't do that, I never do anything right, No one would ever like me, I am a klutz. Most people believe these messages, no matter how untrue or unreal they are. They become automatic responses both internally and vocally; for instance if you get a wrong answer you think. I am so stupid. Your comments are usually followed by the shoulda, woulda, coulda's. The messages tend to reflect the worst in everything, especially you, and they are hard to turn off or unlearn. There was a line in Pretty Woman when Julia Robert's character says, it's so much easier to believe the bad stuff. This is very true unfortunately. These messages began as children and like the repetition of tasks can create a habit so can the repetition of negative words. In psychology this is called classical conditioning, like Pavlov's dog.
Also consider what we surround ourselves with. Television and radio programs can subliminally interject negative thoughts, anger, and additional stress. Are most of your favorite television programs drama or reality shows? How about the court shows or toxic talk shows? What about the confrontational radio? While these shows can be entertaining, if they are not broken up with something light and soft, they can be feeding you negative images that manifest themselves in unstable sleep patterns, tenseness in your neck and joints, and sarcastic comments and you aren't even aware of it.
For one week, do not watch the high drama shows or listen to the confrontational radio. JUST ONE WEEK. Notice the difference in your body and your sleep. Make note of it in your journal.
Now let's take a closer look at your negative images and the negative things you frequently tell yourself. For every comment that pops in your head or you hear yourself say, ask yourself the following questions…………….
Is this really true?
Would it be ok if someone else said this to me?
Does this kind of talk honor me?
Some examples of positive self talk that you can practice are speaking in the present tense, e.g., I am healthy, I am well, I am happy, and I have a good job. Also speaking as if the condition already exists, i.e., I do, I am, or I have.
So let's start changing our habit - one nice word at a time.
MONDAY - WEDNESDAY - Start with a journal of your self talk. You can't address an issue until you identify it. Over the next few days, let's become aware of our behavior. Whenever you say or even think something negative or critical of yourself or someone else, write it in your journal. Make two columns on a page in your journal. In one column write your negative thought and then your positive thought in the other column.
THURSDAY - Now you should have a significant list of positive rebuttals to all of your negative self talk. Today, for each positive rebuttal, put some real meaning behind it. List 3 to 5 things that validate the positive rebuttal. for example, if you say, I do things well then list some things that you do well, like cook lasagna, play monopoly, decorate, etc., be specific. The objective to this exercise is to get you really seeing the great things about yourself and steering the focus off of the negative.
FRIDAY - Awareness brings clarity. CONGRATULATIONS! You are now aware of your behavior and well on your way to changing it. But it takes practice. Continue to practice your positive self talk everyday. You may even want to write a positive self affirmation. Over time, you will see that as you put this behavior into practice, the way you speak to others will also be more positive and empowering instead of negative and critical.
So......for all your hard work, today is TREAT DAY! Be good to you today. You've done excellent work. Enjoy the rest of your day and have a great weekend.
Quote of the Week - Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right. Henry Ford
Have A Great Week!
Some examples of common negative messages that people repeat over and over to themselves include: I'm so fat, I'm so stupid, I can't do that, I never do anything right, No one would ever like me, I am a klutz. Most people believe these messages, no matter how untrue or unreal they are. They become automatic responses both internally and vocally; for instance if you get a wrong answer you think. I am so stupid. Your comments are usually followed by the shoulda, woulda, coulda's. The messages tend to reflect the worst in everything, especially you, and they are hard to turn off or unlearn. There was a line in Pretty Woman when Julia Robert's character says, it's so much easier to believe the bad stuff. This is very true unfortunately. These messages began as children and like the repetition of tasks can create a habit so can the repetition of negative words. In psychology this is called classical conditioning, like Pavlov's dog.
Also consider what we surround ourselves with. Television and radio programs can subliminally interject negative thoughts, anger, and additional stress. Are most of your favorite television programs drama or reality shows? How about the court shows or toxic talk shows? What about the confrontational radio? While these shows can be entertaining, if they are not broken up with something light and soft, they can be feeding you negative images that manifest themselves in unstable sleep patterns, tenseness in your neck and joints, and sarcastic comments and you aren't even aware of it.
For one week, do not watch the high drama shows or listen to the confrontational radio. JUST ONE WEEK. Notice the difference in your body and your sleep. Make note of it in your journal.
Now let's take a closer look at your negative images and the negative things you frequently tell yourself. For every comment that pops in your head or you hear yourself say, ask yourself the following questions…………….
Is this really true?
Would it be ok if someone else said this to me?
Does this kind of talk honor me?
Some examples of positive self talk that you can practice are speaking in the present tense, e.g., I am healthy, I am well, I am happy, and I have a good job. Also speaking as if the condition already exists, i.e., I do, I am, or I have.
So let's start changing our habit - one nice word at a time.
MONDAY - WEDNESDAY - Start with a journal of your self talk. You can't address an issue until you identify it. Over the next few days, let's become aware of our behavior. Whenever you say or even think something negative or critical of yourself or someone else, write it in your journal. Make two columns on a page in your journal. In one column write your negative thought and then your positive thought in the other column.
THURSDAY - Now you should have a significant list of positive rebuttals to all of your negative self talk. Today, for each positive rebuttal, put some real meaning behind it. List 3 to 5 things that validate the positive rebuttal. for example, if you say, I do things well then list some things that you do well, like cook lasagna, play monopoly, decorate, etc., be specific. The objective to this exercise is to get you really seeing the great things about yourself and steering the focus off of the negative.
FRIDAY - Awareness brings clarity. CONGRATULATIONS! You are now aware of your behavior and well on your way to changing it. But it takes practice. Continue to practice your positive self talk everyday. You may even want to write a positive self affirmation. Over time, you will see that as you put this behavior into practice, the way you speak to others will also be more positive and empowering instead of negative and critical.
So......for all your hard work, today is TREAT DAY! Be good to you today. You've done excellent work. Enjoy the rest of your day and have a great weekend.
Quote of the Week - Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right. Henry Ford
Have A Great Week!
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